To escape Toronto’s freezing cold, I took a family trip to Hawaii in the winter of 2017. Here are some lessons I learned while visiting the beautiful islands of Aloha.
“If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you’re needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person.”
— Seneca
Paradise is within
I grew up on stories of Hawaii as Heaven on Earth. Sunshine, beaches and happy people. Pure bliss.
I had an amazing time in Hawaii. The food? Delicious. Tourists like me overran Waikiki. The Polynesian Cultural Center was a delight and Oahu’s coastline was magical.
I learned that there is no such thing as a perfect place. There is no such thing as a perfect hideaway where you can escape all your troubles and inner conflicts. You bring your shit with you.
Spend long enough somewhere and the fantasy wears off. It’s just another place on Earth with its own problems and pitfalls. The joy in experiencing somewhere new lies in our attitudes. Yelp stars don’t factor into your happiness.
No matter how far you go, no matter how many ways you stimulate yourself with novel experiences and adventures… You can’t escape yourself. Everything takes work. The decision to have fun or to enjoy life wherever you are is exactly that — a decision.
The decision to be happy is a conscious choice that takes time, effort and commitment. You can choose paradise anywhere on Earth.
“Wherever you go, there you are.”
— Jon Kabat-Zinn
Weather or not, here I come!
Hawaiian weather changes all the time. One moment it’s sunny, one moment it’s raining cats and dogs. Back in Toronto, I check the weather app religiously. Rain? Sun? Snow? Better prepare accordingly.
None of the old rules apply in Hawaii. Impermanence is the name of the game. What can you do about it anyway — Yell at the sky?
All you can do is enjoy each and every moment. Rain or shine, you’re going to have a good time. It’s going to be okay.
When I first landed in Hawaii, I had no clue what was going on. Imagine that, eagerly anticipating a trip to Hawaii all year just to have it rain on you the whole time!
Buddha got it right. Attachment causes suffering.
When I was attached to my plans, I became irrationally annoyed and angry when things didn’t go how I wanted. I was attached to outcomes and completely results-oriented. If it wasn’t perfect weather, by golly, the trip’s spoiled!
“The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”
— Robert Burns
The lesson reveals itself in every area of our lives: This too shall pass.
Joy lies in the struggle. We are empowered to choose happiness, whatever the weather. We can dance in the rain, frolic in the sun and embrace the cold. It’s not always easy. We might get soggy. We might get sunburned. We might shiver a bit too.
It’s worth it. Because when we fight the good fight, we grow. We discover new things about ourselves and our relation to the world.
The way out of hell is through it.
“No rain, no rainbows.”
— Hawaiian saying
Love them and hate them, family is everything
The quickest path to self-improvement is spending time with your family. No matter how enlightened you think you may be, your family will bring you down to Earth — fast.
I recall a story stating that your parents are the people you wronged in your past life. You are under their authority in this life to repent for your sins and learn the consequences of your actions. This explanation is terrifying.
I think it’s true. Spend some time with your family and you’ll realize that you always have something to work on.
Transference, growing up and childhood traumas. They’re front and centre when you interact with family. Siblings always fight. Children always look like wobbly babies in the eyes of their parents. Parents look like ghoulish monsters in the eyes of their children. We forget that people grow, mature and change with time.
Love them or hate them, family is family. I can’t speak for anybody else. I love my family. I don’t understand them half the time (and I’m sure they don’t understand me most of the time). It’s a wild, zany world that reminds you no matter how much you fight and disagree, there is always space to develop compassion, forgiveness and positive communication.
It just isn’t easy.
“If you think you’re enlightened go spend a week with your family.”
— Ram Dass
